By Kimmi Jewel | Resident Teen Reporter – April 25, 2013

So this weekend was supposed to be the GREATEST of my life: Bayside was coming to The Observatory in Orange County! They are my EVERYTHING so I was super excited to go. I didn’t even have to beg my boyfriend, Tim, to get him to come along because he wanted to see the headlining band. Alkaline Trio? Whatever, I haven’t heard of them, but he’s 23 so he likes a lot of weird bands.

I got mom’s permission to ditch school at lunch and head up several hours early. With only Bayside and Alkaline Trio on the bill, I knew I’d have to get there early to get a spot front and center. That’s when the first disappointment came: a surprise band.

I call them "The Not Baysides"

I call them “The Not Baysides”

Really, The Observatory? You couldn’t post on your calendar or anywhere that some other band was playing the show too? Not only did it make me unnecessarily early, but now these guys, whoever they are, have no proof they played with Bayside. I’d publish it here, but their name wasn’t even on their drum head so I still don’t know what they were called.

They were super lame anyway, so who cares. All their songs had really simple, repeated lines like they were trying to get people to sing along. So dumb. All I could think was how they were standing between me and the cult. I went to the bar and got a couple drinks instead of listening to them. If you don’t have a fake ID, totally get one. It only costs $150 and a blowjob for one that scans.



Finally Bayside came on. It was magical. Beautiful. The whole crowd sang along to every line of every song. I was the perfect amount of buzzed and I screamed my lungs out with Anthony Raneri every second. It was totally perfect. Until the end of the set.

Jack O’Shea threw a guitar pick out into the crowd, which I had positioned myself just right to receive. I would have had it, but this huge bitch bumped me and it went to the floor. We both dove, scrambling on the floor to find it. Because I’d lost my balance from the bump, she was faster and came up with it. What a slut! She doesn’t need that pick! She won’t appreciate it half as much as me. She probably hasn’t even heard the Long Stories Short EP.

So hot!

So hot!

I flew into a rage. I almost blacked out from the anger, but I remember biting, punching, kicking, and spitting all over that whore with everything I had. Tim tried to pull me off, but it wasn’t until this hulking Samoan security guard pulled us apart that the fight ended. He gave us both a really intense warning, but let us go. He thinks he’s so tough. Whatever.

Back to the bar it was to wash the taste of girl out of my mouth. I knocked back a couple of Long Islands as quick as I could. I explained to Tim why I was so mad at that girl, but he just didn’t seem to get it. I mean, he heard the words, but he wasn’t GETTING it. So I just kept trying to re-word it so he truly knew my love for Bayside. But then it looked like the roadies were almost done setting up so he pulled us up for a good spot for Alkaline Trio.

Eventually, I could tell he stop listening to me altogether. It was right about when the band started playing. I was PRETTY drunk by this point, so I don’t remember a lot about what they sounded like. I just remember being so angry that they wouldn’t stop playing so that Tim would listen to me!

Looking at the picture, I have to admit that their skull thing is cute

Looking at the picture, I have to admit that their skull thing is cute

I glared at them from the front row, but they would just not take the hint! Shouting in Tim’s ear that I wanted to go outside didn’t work either. I looked up at their stupid lead singer. Everything about him made me so angry. The upside down cross necklace, the smug look on his face, and everything about the situation. I took what was left of my drink and chucked it full force at him.

Or that’s what I tried to do.

Guess which monstrous Samoan security guard decided to walk right through my path at that exact moment? The same one from before! It ended up being less of a throw and more of a smash right in his face. Now he was SUPER pissed at me.

He dragged me away. I kicked and screamed, but I guess Tim couldn’t hear me because he didn’t even look as I got throw out the door and outside. I cried for a while, but all the smokers kept staring at me so I tried to stop. I waited out in the parking lot, but I never found Tim when the show was over. I guess he drove home without me and I had to take a taxi all the way back to South County.

Matt Skiba, this is all your fault. You put a hex or something on my boyfriend to make him stop paying attention to me and only focus on you. I’m glad all those radio stations banned your music because you’re a jerk.


[Photos by Christina Preiss of]

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